Chronic Listaholic

All of these appear on multiple worst-movie lists

1. Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959). Often called the worst film ever made, there’s no question this is ultralow-budget Ed Wood (cardboard tombstones that blow over, visible boom mikes and innumerable other goofs). But it’s so campy, so corny, it never fails to make me laugh out loud.
2. Staying Alive (1983). This sequel to Saturday Night Fever takes Tony Manero from the discos of Brooklyn to a Broadway stage. It was co-written, directed and co-produced by Sylvester Stallone. Almost everyone thinks calling it a piece of crap is undue praise. I’ve liked it from the first time I saw it. I like the (predictable) story, the (stereotyped) characters and most of the (very ’80s) music. And jeebus, Travolta was ripped.
3. The Postman (1996). Okay, so it’s not the same as the superb novel by David Brin. Not many books do survive the translation to film. It’s still very well done, and its concept of a post-nuclear-war world is more plausible than most. And Kevin Costner is gorgeous.
4. Jason X (2002). Too many people fail to appreciate the creepalicious combination of sci-fi and horror in such movies as the Alien and Predator series. But how can you not love a cyborg Jason Voorhees? (Can you believe I even found the original classic Friday the 13th on some bad-movie lists?!?! Madness.)
5. Mars Attacks! (1996). I don’t get why this movie caught so much flak. Did people not realize it’s a spoof? I thought it was funny as hell. You gotta love a movie with Jack Nicholson AND Jack Black in the cast. Plus, Tom Jones saves the world!!!
6. Waterworld (1995). Although it’s widely regarded as the Heaven’s Gate of sci-fi films, I’ve never understood why this movie bombed. The massive budget is evident in the stunning cinematography, the acting is excellent (Dennis Hopper as a one-eyed dictator!), and the story fascinating. Oh, and Kevin Costner is the most gorgeous he’s ever been.
7. Shanghai Surprise (1986). There are two reasons this movie was panned: Sean Penn and Madonna. People weren’t ready to accept her in a role so opposite her singing persona, and everyone was sick of hearing about the famous couple. I saw this movie in 1986, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Entertaining story and decent acting. In my mind, this film’s bad rep was simply a case of punishing the stars for their celebrity.
8. Sahara (2005). You can’t make me not like a Clive Cussler-book-based movie! You can’t, you can’t, you can’t! Not even if you cast Matthew McConaughey as the macho Dirk Pitt and Steve Zahn as hirsute Italian Al Giordino.
9. Grease 2 (1982). John Travolta made the first one a huge hit. The sequel has a young Michelle Pfeiffer instead. This time it’s good boy-bad girl. But what I most love is the soundtrack (especially “Who’s That Guy?”) — and the good memories associated with viewings of this movie.
10. Armageddon [1998]. The only reason people trash this movie is because it has Ben Affleck in it. Come on! BRUCE WILLIS, people! Bruce Willis saves the world! What more could you ask for?

[tags]Bad movies, sci-fi, people are mean[/tags]

In close proximity to descending order

1. The Endless Summer. I could not even begin to estimate how many times I’ve seen this film since my brother first took me to see it in 1966. Growing up, I’d watch it every time I noticed it showing on TV. Years later, I taped it off pay-per-view, and eventually bought a VHS copy. It is my therapy movie. When I am having a spell of anxiety or just don’t feel well, I pop in this ultimate feel-good flick and am soothed.
2. Aliens. My all-time favorite sci-fi flick! I first saw it in 1986, and am still not tired of it. The penultimate combination of sci-fi and horror, and still effective even after countless viewings.
3. Arachnophobia. This is my favorite spider movie and one we often put in to fall asleep to. We’ve seen it enough times to no longer laugh ourselves awake. Heck, we know what they’re going to say before they say it!
4. Tremors. I never saw this 1990 gem until Bret persuaded me to watch it with him, but we love it so much we watch it about once a week. So even though it’s a late addition to my favorites, I’ve probably seen it more than 100 times already.
5. Pretty Woman. I took my daughter to see this charmer in 1990, and we have both loved it ever since. Even Bret likes it, which is surprising considering what a chick-flick it is.
6. Twister. It’s hard for me to believe that when I first watched this 1996 movie, I didn’t like it! I had bought it unseen, and I actually gave it to my sister. When I watched it years later with Bret, I adored it. Now we watch it 3 or 4 times a month.
7. Baby Boom. I actually wore out my VHS copy of this delightful Diane Keaton film. Her portrayal of a New York workaholic transforming into a Vermont mother of a toddler is dead-on hilarious. And I got the DVD at Wal-Mart for $7.50!!!
8. A Christmas Story. Let’s see, it was made in 1983. Once a year for 21 years, plus numerous midsummer random viewings, plus at least half-a-dozen TCM Christmas Eve marathons equals . . . oh hell, I don’t have a clue. “Notafinga!”
9. The Man From Snowy River. I’m not a horse person, but this gentle love story set in Australia’s mountain country is breathtakingly beautiful. When I first discovered it back in 1986, I watched it almost daily. Now it’s another one of my “feel-better” films.
10. Last Of The Mohicans. The 1992 remake with Daniel Day-Lewis. When this movie came out on VHS, I watched it 45 times in 30 days. Not for DDL, although he is gorgeous in this, but for Eric Schweig, who played Uncas.

1. The First $20 Million Is Always The Hardest. My most favorite computer movie, even over Hackers. A Cinderella tale for the binary set, with four of the most lovable nerds ever rendered. Hilarious, sweet, infinitely watchable.
2. Mystery, Alaska. I am not a hockey fan, but this root-for-the-little-guys movie is pure delight. It’s the only Russell Crowe movie I’ve ever liked, and usually-a-bad-guy Kevin Durand is so endearing as Tree. Ron Eldard is just hilarious as the town horndog, so aptly nicknamed “Skank.”
3. Under The Tuscan Sun. This is what my sister-in-law calls a “slice of life” movie. I sure wish it was a slice of my life! I would love to have rebuilt my life post-divorce in the glorious Italian countryside, restoring a crumbling villa and sleeping with a guy half my age. Maybe that’s why I love this film.
4. Raise The Red Lantern. Exquisite, brilliant depiction of the Chinese concubinage system in the 1920s. Gong Li is superb as she portrays both the triumph and despair of young Songlian. I cry every time. WARNING: Subtitled.
5. Identity. Suspenseful, scary, inventive. More twists than a bowl of rotini. Ten seemingly random people stranded at a creepy desert motel on a stormy night. A deranged killer on the loose. One of the most mind-bending climaxes I’ve ever seen. Let the bodies hit the floor . . .
6. The Man From Elysian Fields. I sometimes wonder how far I’d go to get published. Andy Garcia’s frustrated writer learns the hard way in this dark little drama, in which his side job as a male escort leads him to what may be the break of a lifetime — or cost him all he holds dear. Mick Jagger delivers a subtle, multilayered performance as the suave owner of Elysian Fields.
7. The Legend Of 1900. The premise sounds dull: A mechanic on an ocean liner finds an abandoned infant and raises him; the child lives his entire life without ever leaving the ship. But this unknown gem is anything but boring. Tim Roth is charming as “1900,” who turns out to be a piano prodigy. Terrific music, and a moving ending.
8. She Creature. Imaginative spin on the mermaid legend. Reminiscent of the wonderful “creature features” I loved as a child (and still do!). Very atmospheric, with an intriguing storyline. For a low-budget film, it has excellent production quality. Fine actors, too.
9. Joy Ride. A movie that will make you think twice about taking a road trip! I have not had such physical reactions to a film since Wait Until Dark. An intensely relentless thriller with a sadistic little twist at the end. Yes, it has a maniac in a big rig like Duel, but that’s where the plot similarities end. This one’s a whole ‘nother animal — a rabid one.
10. The Grey Zone. Incredibly difficult to watch, and yet impossible to not. I knew all about the Sonderkommandos from term paper research, but still was chilled to my bones by this graphic depiction of the horrific life they endured. Would I choose life, under those conditions? At what point does death become preferable? Does it ever? By the way, anyone who feels that David Arquette is not much of an actor MUST see this film.

1. Solaris. Quite possibly the worst movie I’ve ever seen. If anyone out there actually liked this movie, please explain why. George Clooney being in it is not sufficient.
2. Mosquito. I love bug movies, but this one is just plain awful. I was laughing hysterically, and it’s not a comedy. Those durn skeeters change scale every time they’re shown! Painfully poor acting, too. Bad bug movie. Bad, BAD bug movie.
3. Just Married. Could these two people possibly be any more annoying? They are so incredibly immature, they’ve got about as much business getting married as Britney Spears. Couldn’t watch more than 20 minutes.
4. Stigmata. A plot so confusing and convoluted, I kept watching in hopes it would be clarified. As the credits rolled, I was thinking, What the hell? Plus, I am NOT a fan of Patricia Arquette.
5. Underworld. Bizarre premise that could have been interesting, if it had had more to the plot than shoot-anything-that-moves-and-run-like-hell. And get rid of Scott Speedman. The guy has no lips.
6. Moulin Rouge. Don’t get me wrong, I like musicals. I like Nicole Kidman. I like Ewan McGregor. I love star-crossed lovers. But I did not enjoy this movie. Neither Kidman nor McGregor sings well enough to carry a two-hour movie, the story line was boringly predictable and the acting was way too over-the-top.
7. The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen. What if Allan Quatermain, Tom Sawyer, Captain Nemo and Dorian Gray were all real people? What if they all got together to save the world? What if I’d never wasted two hours on this silly piece of codswallop?
8. Shallow Hal. Surely the most offensive movie I’ve ever seen. Solid proof that obesity continues to be the last acceptable prejudice. If Rosemary had been a woman of color whom Hal saw as white, this movie would never had seen the light of day — no matter how it ended.
9. Old School. There is absolutely no excuse for ever showing Will Ferrell naked. It is not funny. Nothing in this movie is funny.
10. The Order. I’m not sure which was darker — the lighting, the plot or Heath Ledger’s hair. No, I think it was my mood after sitting through this muddled, ludicrous, pseudoreligious hogwash.

1. Eat Drink Man Woman. (Yin Shi Nan Nu, Chinese, subtitled) A chef attempts to lovingly guide the lives of his three grown daughters over weekly dinners. One of Ang Lee’s most delightful.
2. Tortilla Soup. Ditto, translated into a Latino setting.
3. Mystic Pizza. Early Julia Roberts, when she still had curves. Heartwarming and heartbreaking.
4. Like Water For Chocolate. (Como Agua Para Chocolate, Spanish, subtitled) Enchanting, magical tale of the power of true love. Passionate, yet funny.
5. Babette’s Feast. (Babettes Gaestebud, Danish, subtitled) Culinary delights have never been so photogenic.
6. Big Night. No one could have played Primo but Tony Shalhoub. I know, I say that about all his characters.
7. Chocolat. The candy isn’t the sweetest thing about this charming movie. Plus, it stars my favorite actress of all time, Juliette Binoche.
8. Eat Your Heart Out. Come on, we all want a guy like Daniel, don’t we?
9. My Big Fat Greek Wedding. The movie that gave all of us less-than-pretty girls hope. I don’t count Muriel’s Wedding, because you have to suffer the ABBA-soaked soundtrack to watch it.
10. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. See it before they re-make it with Marilyn Manson.

1. Trainspotting. Sick, funny, morbidly fascinating. Who could have guessed that Ewan McGregor would become a heartthrob?
2. Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas. Hands down, the absolute funniest movie I have ever seen. And true. Sure, it is.
3. The Basketball Diaries. Harrowing autobiographical tale of a descent into depravity. Leonardo DiCaprio is riveting.
4. Less Than Zero. One of Robert Downey Jr.’s best performances ever. Too bad it was prophetic.
5. Blow. OK, I haven’t seen it yet. But it’s a true story, it sounds good, and I adore the guy who plays Tuna in it. Plus, it’s got a killer soundtrack.
6. Homegrown. Jon Bon Jovi, Ryan Philippe and weed. You’ll love it.
7. Up In Smoke. Cheech and Chong at their funniest, driving a van built of pot. We watch this about once a week.
8. Bongwater. I put this on here as a joke. There’s no way I could watch a movie with Jack Black, Andy Dick and Jamie Kennedy in it.
9. Valley Of The Dolls. Drug abuse, circa 1967. Sharon Tate’s only starring role, just two years before her murder by Charles Manson.
10. Reefer Madness. Made in 1938, this movie used to be required viewing in schools. Did you know marijuana use leads to insanity?!?! Best watched stoned.